naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
