Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
