The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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