Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Who died my cat blue again?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
