Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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