Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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