one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
