i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
