Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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