Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All the doctor said was why
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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