just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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