i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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