We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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