where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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