Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
