I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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