Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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