His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
