Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
