dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
