he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
