I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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