u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
