Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
