I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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