you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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