So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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