Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I still have a little drunk in my system
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
