im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
