you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
