The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
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The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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