you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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