And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
