my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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