Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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