I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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