i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
