Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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