My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
