Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
sex in a hospital.. check
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
