her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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