Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
how does that bad decision feel?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
