I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
