i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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