girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
