A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
