Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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