By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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