Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
