every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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