apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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