it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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