At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You may now shotgun with the bride
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
