There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
