I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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