yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
