Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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