the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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