Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
