Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
