i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
