Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
