i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
