I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
