Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
