So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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