Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize